I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
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I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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