I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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