I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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