FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
