I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We talked him into tasing himself.
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She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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