i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
