Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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