i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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