I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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