U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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