Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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