Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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