Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
