Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
