God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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