So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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