Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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