thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
