She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well