just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
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Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
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I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.