I faked an abortion last night.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night