just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
