I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
