I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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