I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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