I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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