2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
