Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
