just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
