K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
