walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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