failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
