i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
