she woke up with a sticky ear
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
are you so shy because you have an std?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
