I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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