remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
