And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
