In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
