Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
