My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I still have a little drunk in my system
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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