I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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