last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
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You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
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I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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