if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I want a musical about memes.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
