i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
