I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
