I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
