why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
