Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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