her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
