Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
