Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
