I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
