Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
