dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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