they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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