Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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