I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
