farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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