I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
