the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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