I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
