We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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