O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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