I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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