I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
