Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
