Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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