I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
