awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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