I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
