every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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