and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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