I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
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