In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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