They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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