I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
