Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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