I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
