I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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