You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
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Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
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I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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