I look better un-naked...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
