Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
