Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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