If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
